Hshsh

Many elderly individuals feel that funds which are being allocated for national days including but not limited to
New Year and other religious festivals by officials ,are waste of money while other experts believe that an immense volume of money ought to be spend such kinds of events.In my point of view an ideal approach is to strike a balance between two viewpoints.
On the one hand,extravagant events might have negative implications for not only the environment but also for the folks.What I mean by this is that fireworks which are widely used during those events contribute to the air and noise pollution ,harming the public health. In addition to this,excessive spending on fireworks, decorations,gifts have a tendency to lead financial strains for not merely governments but also individuals.For instance,individuals have been spending vast amount of funds for gifts for their children leading to pressure to the family budget instead of paying for tuition fees or daily necessities.
Even though,I should acknowledge that the events can play a crucial role for the society. One of the most and foremost is that cultural identity and unity.This means that the events can bring people together, nurture the sense of community leading to strong relationship between citizens. Moreover, festivals ,including but not confined to, New Year , Halloween, Diwali may create vacancies for unemployed individuals for many fields from tourism to retail , mitigating the rate of the unemployment. Plus, they are considered as a preservation of the cultural heritage and willing to immerse to the history.
All things considered, in spite of the fact that it is widely seen as a waste of time and funds , it can boost morale ,feeling of unity , business landscape for any entrepreneurs leading to profit for the economy of the country

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s stance.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a good level of accuracy. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The writer considers both sides of the argument and provides relevant examples to support their points. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the writer’s stance.