Some people sat that men’s sport should be further developed and emphasized. Other, however, claim that there should be equal opportunities and emphasis on both women’ and men’s sports. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Physical development plays a pivotal role from birth and continue throughout life, such as sports or being active. However, it is believed that there should be further privileges in men’s sport, while others argue that equalities in both women’ and men’s sports should be developed and emphasized. As sport helps us to enhance our both mental and physical development, I fully agree with this notion.
On the one hand, sport plays a vital role in everybody’s life-span, with promoting immerse advantages to build healthy lifestyle and to be strong all the time. In many societies, especially men’s sports are improving significantly, bringing lots of sport amenities and sport competitions. Moreover, most of the time, it is considered suitable for men, because they are the only people who can protect women from dangers, also they have to be healthy all the time. If women have such kind of healthy, strong men who are able to do everything, why they need dedicate their brilliant time to sports. That is why, there should be more investigation in men’s sports.
On the other hand, physical development is essential to everyone, whether they are men or women, as it helps to enhance concentration to one particular task or improve overall well-being by being always mobile. Additionally, sport is the most effective way to reduce accumulated stress from daily thoughts or problems, as well as give us boundless energy before starting work or studies. Furthermore, if there are plenty of opportunities to access sport, every person who participate will be mobile, always in a positive emotion and will be in a healthy diet. In contrast, for both genders and also for children, there have to be more emphasis and attention given in terms of sport.
In conclusion, spreading sport through mental and physical improvement is complex with its far-reaching implications. Always people have to take care of their well-being by attending diverse types of sports and other important factors.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a varied vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “immense advantages” could be replaced with “significant benefits,” and “brilliant time” could be rephrased as “their time effectively.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, “it is believed that there should be further privileges in men’s sport” could be rephrased for clarity. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the importance of physical development and the benefits of sports. The writer presents a clear stance, supporting the idea that both men’s and women’s sports should be further developed and emphasized. The essay would benefit from more specific examples to support its points and a deeper analysis of the implications of this approach.