The chart below shows the water levels of 6 cities in Australia in October 2008 and 2010.
The bar chart compares the rate of water in terms of various cities in Australia between October 2009 and 2010. Overall, while the figure for water in cities, including Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Canberra, experienced upward trends, except for Brisbane remaining unchanged, Darwin showed a downward trajectory. Of particular note is Canberra, which had been by far the most dominant figure by 2009.
To begin with, the water usage in Canberra increased to nearly 100%, becoming dominant compared to other cities in Australia. In addition, the second substantial water utilization happened in Sydney, with the percentage of almost 82.
In 2009, the lowest figure for water was witnessed in Melbourne but it managed to rise by approximately 20% in 2010. Moreover, there was a dramatic increase in Perth from 40% in 2009 to nearly 70% in 2010. However, Darwin city had declined up to almost 30% while the water rate in Brisbane remained unchanged, with the percentage of approximately 58.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The information flows well, and there is good use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you maintain consistent use of tense throughout the essay.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few awkward or incorrect word choices.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few grammatical errors that need to be addressed.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information and makes appropriate comparisons. The key features are identified and supported with relevant data.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you accurately interpret the data and make sure your descriptions are precise. For example, when describing the cities’ water usage, make sure to use the correct figures and units from the chart.