Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after school activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over the last few decades, we have seen dramatic ideas about pupils acquiring more knowledge when they are playing without monitoring rather than engaging in extra courses that are organised after school. Although there is some validity to that assertion, I completely disagree. The aim of this essay is to analyse both of the perspectives as well as my logical conclusion.
First and foremost, teaching new things to children has become an essential thing over the centuries, but it would not overload them. In other words, a human brain is tired when you work regularly, so it could not receive any information in this situation. A prime example of this is that nowadays children are studying in school for 4 or 5 hours during a day; therefore, their organisms demand some rest, playing outdoors, or just sleeping for recovery. If their parents made them go to extra courses, it would be harmful to their overall well-being. As a result, not loading excessive assignments on children would have a positive effect on their health.
Secondly, even more importantly, permission for playing them freely would improve their communication skills. It is an undeniable fact that many schools are specialised for science, and there is no potential to make friends or just chill in their study programs, focusing on the main subjects. For instance, if they play with other children after school, they may enhance their communication skills, and also it would be useful for their health since they are engaging in some physical activities.In conclusion, I once again restate my position that the idea of allowing children to play freely is entirely justifiable.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central topic that is well supported by the rest of the paragraph.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “it would not overload them” could be rephrased as “it would not overwhelm them,” and “study programs” could be rephrased as “study routines.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, “it would not overload them” should be “it would not overload them,” and “their organisms demand some rest” could be rephrased for clarity. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument that free play is more beneficial for children’s learning than structured extra courses. The writer provides a well-developed argument with clear examples to support their position. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style to better fit the task requirements. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more emphatically.