Task 1
The bar chart provides a survey that asses the factors which influence the work performance by age group.
Overall, it can be noted that personal development, relaxed working environment and promotion prospects are the most influential factors for younger employees. Conversely, the older generation think having a competent boss and respect from is more crucial. In the other five categories the rating shows similar preferences by both age groups.
On closer examination, 90% of those aged 18-30 place greater emphasis on personal development. Additionally, the reported figures showed similarities in factors, such as relaxed working environment and promotion prospects(80%)
In contrast, 60% of older demographics think that having a competent is vital for work performance. The second influential factor is respect from colleagues impacting slightly over 40%.
Work environment was equally prioritised by both age groups(25%). Similarly, money and job satisfaction were highly valued by both age brackets(70% and 45%, respectively)
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the bar chart. The key features are identified and described, and the information is presented in a logical sequence. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making sure that all information is accurately reported.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the information presented in the bar chart.
- Make sure that all information is accurately reported. There is a minor error in the sentence “60% of older demographics think that having a competent is vital for work performance”. It should be “having a competent boss is vital for work performance.”