Skip to main content

Essay

There has been an ongoing debate about whether children should support themselves financially. Some totally condemn it , while others believe it provides a valuable opportunity to gain work experience, essential for education and taking responsibility. Although engaging in paid-work at an early age might offer some benefits, I share the view of those who disapprove of this.
In many countries, minors are engaged in wage-earning occupations, this provides them with a career building opportunity, appropriate knowledge and sense of responsibility. Additionally, getting a paid job contributes to development of children’s characteristics, as it helps to form their opinions and become independent. In the USA, for example, people often start working from a very young age. As a result,American youths are more autonomous and able to support their needs.
However, involving children in work might result in underperformance in their studies. This is due to the reduction in time that could have been dedicated to academic success. For instance, in the UK the studies have shown that those who were occupied with work were less likely to achieve higher grades than those who weren’t engaged in any employment.
For this reason, I strongly believe that involving children in work is detrimental, as it can conflict with their studies.
In conclusion, while children’s employment can be beneficial for personal growth and gaining work experience, it has a negative consequences, such as low academic achievement. Therefore, while work experience is important, it should not interfere with a child’s education. A balance between both is essential for their overall development.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
  • Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.

The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be developed more fully in places.

Suggestions
  • Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments.
  • Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea or argument.