Many people are afraid to leave their home because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
The majority of individuals are scared of leaving their houses due to of their panic of crime. While some consider that there should be done more movement to prevent this, others believe not much can be done; I still think that there a lot of solutions – dicrease unemployment; improve medical centres; prevent lack of education, – to tackle this problem about crime.
On the one hand, some people think that there is a large amount of solutions to say “stop” to crime, and which will ensure people feel safer outside their homes. Firstly, lawbreakers should be given the punishment according to the severity. For those who commit felony as murder, should receive punishment as: life imprisonment or death penalty. Moreover there are several reasons that lead to the high level of crime. The first reason for this is – unemployment or low income. Some, for instance, after a long time of looking for a job , cannot find any, so, after that they come to a decision that the only way to have some money to live , is robbery or burglary. So, the government has to provide every citizen with a job to prevent an increasing rate of crime
The second reason of increasing level of breaking the law , is – lack of education. Illiteracy and low educational system in several countries may develop the rate of crime. This means that if students do not learn any lesson, they will not be aware of tackling financial problems and in their further life if they do not have money, of course, they will need to break the law, by robbering other people, to have some pocket money. So, developing educational systems in every country also may dicrease a such high level of felony, nowadays.
On the other hand , another group of individuals feel that not much can be done to prevent crime. First of all, crime is being increasingly popular around the world . In every street, every day there is at least a little crime as robbery or burglary. Some lawbreakers may have some problems with mental health , and some of these issues may be childhood trauma. So, for these reasons some feel that there is nothing to do to prevent crime.
In my opinion, however, there are a lot of solutions that should be taken and make our country citizens feel safe everytime and everywhere.
To conclude, a high rate of crime made people feel unsafe outside their house, so some educational system and unemployment issues have to be tackled to prevent this, however some offenders may have mental health issues, so nothing can be done. I, however, still believe that there are a lot of solutions that should be taken.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph and to clearly connect them back to the main topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some issues with word form and tense agreement that could be addressed. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. However, there are a few errors in verb tense and agreement that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support the points made.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point and is well supported with specific examples.