the graph below shows unemployment rates in Japan, the rest of Europe and the UK from 1993 to 2007.
The line graph compares the percentage of the unemployment rates in Japan, the UK and the rest of the Europe between 1993 and 2007.
Overall, the proportions for the UK and the rest of Europe declined rapidly while the reserve was true in Japan. It is clear that the gap between unemployment rates in these countries lessened noticeably by the end of the period.
In the beginning, the highest unemployment rate was both in the UK and rest of the Europe, but the figure for of these countries experienced an downward trend. The figure for the former declined by around 6% by 2001 – the biggest fall in the study, but it finished at 6% in 2007. About latter, however, increased rapidly to reach almost 12% in the beginning, but it declined to just below 8% although became the highest unemployment rate among 3 countries.
About Japan, the unemployment rate increased in this period and still remained as the lowest rate of unemployment country. From 1995 and 1997, the figure leveled off although afterwards it rose suddenly to peak at 6% in 2003. In the last 2 years, the figure fell gradually by 2% and ended at 4% in 2007.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples.
Suggestions
- Include specific data from the graph to support your analysis.
- Provide more detailed comparisons and explanations of the trends observed.