Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after-school activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a wise perspective that children can be taught by playing independently, while others claim the necessity of organisation or collaboration after-school curriculums. From what I have seen and experienced during my childhood, I strongly disagree with people who seem to underestimate the potential benefits of teamwork learning.
Admittedly, people are indeed forward their kids to study and learn on their own without having or owing any personal tutors. Studies, in fact, can be challenging without feedback and professional assistance because the lack of responsibility and commitment. To be exact, they should be mentored by expert and high-experienced teachers mainly because they offer various preparational tools, educational materials, and high-standard learning that may improve their cognitive development and well-being that could influence to their grades and extra-curricular scores as well. For example, subjects like science, biology, and history involve teaching assistance due to an excessive need of being informed about people who used to live in the past. Therefore, allowing young adults to study with tutors is indeed crucial for effective learning.
However, children can now be independent when it comes to a question of learning. More specifically, with the use of internet they are enabled to do their studies like homework, coursework, and even portfolios. This significantly reduces the time they spend on public transport and traffic jams because they stay at home while studying online. What’s more, the use of technology in twenty-first century might improve their critical thinking and broaden their worldview. The reason is that they can learn anything in depth using artificial intelligence, explore more about the world which is transforming into digital era. In contrast to studying with personal tutor, online learning is sometimes ineffective without right approach. It is undeniable that accountability is important role of learning but if students struggle with that, they may be distracted by social media, which means that they lose their focus and concentration in the long run.
In conclusion, although there is a chance to improve awareness and critical thinking by learning freely, I still rely on traditional learning, which is to study with expert tutors for personalized feedback and academic assistance in certain circumstances.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “people are indeed forward their kids to study and learn on their own” could be rephrased as “people indeed prefer their kids to study and learn independently.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, “people are indeed forward their kids to study and learn on their own without having or owing any personal tutors” should be “people indeed prefer their kids to study and learn on their own without having or relying on personal tutors.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of independent learning and the value of working with expert tutors. The writer’s position is clear, and the essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the issue. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. The essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments, but the discussion could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the topic.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point. This will help to keep your argument clear and focused.
- Provide more detailed explanations and additional examples to further develop your arguments. This will help to provide a more comprehensive discussion of the issue.