Some people think technology development decreases the crime, while others believe it actually encourage crime.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In the modern world,some people believe that the advancements of the technology discourage crime,while others claim the prolifer expansion of crime has caused more crime cases.
To begin with,as the accesses of the technology have increased in the world in the last decades,the percentage of crime has significantly declined.There are many examples for declining trend of crime, firstly, nowadays people are afraid of fighting to other people on the streets or other public places, because in every step,camera is observing their things that are doing to other people.Moreover,if anyone says any bad and harsh words to other people, with help of the technology,people just record their voice and give it to court,as a result people will avoid to say words which cause their going to prison for several years.Additionally,one of the multitude of facilities of the technology is clarifying traces of that hand that means if people kill someone with weapon or knife,this technology can find who does that crime.As a consequence, people try to avoid causing any crime situations to people,as they think, different clear clarifications of the technology.
On the other hand, technology is causing more crime cases in this terror and modern world,many crime gangs are attracting many people via social media.Moreover,many campaigns fail to protect digital systems adequately.Additionally, social media may be used as an access which helps to organize unlawful gatherings and incite violence.Besides,with access of the technology many people have been earning billions of dollars by saying lie words to others ,such as saying to them that your credit card is blocked. Besides because of the hacking jobs by technology,many people are being a poor person in a day,as a result many people are taking other people’s money,and phone by killing them.
In conclusion, although some people say technology are giving many fruitful access to live happily,I truly believe that technology causes more crime cases.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage that can be distracting for the reader. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors that can be distracting, such as issues with subject-verb agreement and incorrect prepositions. Proofreading the essay to correct these errors would help to improve its overall quality.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the issue and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples to support its points. The conclusion is also somewhat weak and could be more effectively summarizing the main points discussed.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well supported by the rest of the essay.