In the future, people may have to live on other planets. Some think that is therefore important to spend money researching other planets such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a view that, human beings might become residents of the other planets one day in the future. Because of this probability, some consider that it is vital to allocate more budget into learning other planets, such as Mars in depth. I am totally neutral with this view for two main reasons.
In one hand, the exploration of space and other universes is increasing day by day. This is because the emerging need to find new places for living in the near future. The earth has experienced tons of damages in recent decades thanks to climate change. Moreover, the natural resources such as fossil fuels are diminishing gradually, the environment has been damaged by the human activities so seriously that the soil is becoming not suitable for agriculture. Therefore, we should channel most of the funding into the re-establishment of our own home planet “Earth”, instead of trying to get our hands on other planets.
On the other hand, space exploration should keep going in order to discover new alternative options to live in against all odds. There is a high possibility of Earth not being suitable for survival in the future. In that reason, we should take instantaneous actions before it is too late, otherwise our future generations will suffer from “Homelessness”. The appropriate amount of investments should be made into exploration and colonization of other planets. A well-known example can be the discovery of water on the planet Mars in 2018. Scientists found subglacial lake below the surface of Mars, which has become the hope of humanity for the role of a “New home”.
In conclusion, both space exploration and re-establishment of Earth have to receive the same amount of budget and should be viewed equally important, as the former is our alternative option and the latter is our current home.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, “The appropriate amount of investments should be made into exploration and colonization of other planets” could be rephrased as “Sufficient investment should be made in the exploration and colonization of other planets.” Ensuring correct and appropriate word choice will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language will help convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. For example, “In one hand, the exploration of space and other universes is increasing day by day” should be “On one hand, the exploration of space and other universes is increasing day by day.” Ensuring correct grammar and punctuation will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures will help convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the importance of space exploration and the potential for human beings to become residents of other planets in the future. The writer presents a clear position, arguing that sufficient investment should be made in the exploration and colonization of other planets, while also emphasizing the need to focus on the re-establishment of Earth. The essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Try to make your conclusion more effective in summarizing your main points and reinforcing your position.