: The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart provides information about the quantity of people who have worked in five various kinds of jobs in two different years ( 2001 and 2008 ) .
Overall , the number of individuals who are employed in sales , computing and nursing increased over the years , while the reverse was true for accounting and farming .
Focusing on big numbers first , the figure for people who worked on sales , computing and nursing have shown an upward trend . The number of people who are employed in sales showed a slight increase. Initially it was about 155000 people , after it was approximately 165000 . Additionally, individuals who have worked in computing dramatically went up from approximately 55000 almost to 80000 while the number of people who have worked as nurses increased slightly. At the beginning, it was 45000 and at the end 55000.
By contrast , the quantity of people who have employed in computing and farming have witnessed a downward trend . Accounting became less popular among people over the years. Approximately 65000 people were employed in 2001 , but in 2008 it was accounted for roughly 58000 . People who have worked in farming , however, were roughly 22000 in 2001 , but in 2008 it was about 18000.
The essay presents information in a logical order, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Some repetition of sentence structures is present.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to connect ideas.
- Avoid repetitive sentence structures.
- Ensure each paragraph clearly links to the next.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are repetitive. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are occasional errors in verb tense and agreement.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear overview and supporting details. However, some inaccuracies in data interpretation need correction.
Suggestions
- Ensure accurate data interpretation from the chart.
- Provide more specific examples from the chart to support claims.