too much emphasis is for the education of student. more goverment money should spent on free time activities for young people. to what extent do you agree or disagree
Government has spent high amount of money for students education not it spare time activities. However I will discuss both opinions and give the right solution.
Nowadays government put their eye on education. For that reason they are spending big amount of money for studies. Universities, for instance, are almost countless nowadays. There are endless universities that are offering different kinds of occupation studies such as nursing, engineering or teaching. This suggests how government values specialized knowledge over free time activities. The same is true if we look at number of schools in single town. The personal example would be the fact that we had a choice of only one school in our town, whereas now we have a choice of at least four schools depending on path which pupil prefer. As government invests on education society will not have another chance but accept it.
However, I believe principals have to invest more in spare time activities. For instance, volunteering will be perfect example. Since not many people adore studying , as many people have their own principles like helping to other people or provide shelters for homeless people. Also by investing money on activities like this tend to grow curiosity between people. As not everybody is born for studies. Free activities like this tend to reduce rate of homelessness or pollution level by cleaning the streets. If we look at tendency of people to commit themselves in activities like this will grow interest in developing niches.
In conclusion, while education is important is most areas of our life, government needs to asset more on spare time activities as it is more beneficial.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to clearly state your position in the conclusion and summarize the main points.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are some sentences that are unclear or grammatically incorrect. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures, with a good level of accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors, such as incorrect verb forms or preposition use, which could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support the points made.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point or idea.