The only reason why people work hard is to earn money and there is no other reason for doing so
It is true that many people work hard because they want to earn money, but I don’t think that is the only reason. There are other reasons that motivate people to work hard, like personal goals, career improvement and to help society. In this essay I will explain why I disagree with the idea that people only work hard for money.
First of all, earning money is very important because everyone needs money to survive. People need to pay for things like food, house, clothes and school fees. Many people work extra hours or do more jobs because they want to give better life for their family. For example, my uncle is a builder, and he works very hard to save money for his kids’ education. However, it is not correct to say all people only work for money.
Another reason people work hard is because they want to feel happy and proud. Many people have big dreams and want to achieve them. For example, some people become doctors not because they only want salary, but because they love helping sick people. Also, some people work hard in art or sport because they enjoy what they are doing, even if they don’t earn much money from it.
Finally, some people work hard because they want to help others and make society better. Teachers and nurses, for example, often work long hours, but they don’t do it only for the money. They feel responsible for their work and want to make a difference. A nurse may work very hard because they want to save lives, not because they want to be rich.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The use of examples to support each point is effective, but the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main arguments.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes all the main points you have made.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated language could enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. For example, “it is not correct to say all people only work for money” could be rephrased as “it is incorrect to suggest that all people work solely for money.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and preposition use, would improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more comprehensive. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing various reasons why people work hard beyond just earning money. The writer presents a clear introduction and conclusion, with each body paragraph focusing on a different reason. The use of personal examples and relevant scenarios helps to illustrate the points made. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments made.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes all the main points you have made.