The only reason why people work hard is to earn money, and there is no other reason for doing so.
There is one main reason why people struggle to earn money, and there is no other reason to struggle., however this essay agrees to this statement and gives the reasons.
At the present time almost everything has a price and available for purchase, therefore people working hard in order to get high salary from their employers and in most time it become the reason why they are working. In other words, employees are working in order to buy something to take pleasure from that thing which they can afford. Almost everyone has the friend who works in order to get salary and purchase that thing which can give him or her enjoyment, in general they spend their income on leisure and enjoyment.
However, there are several employees who try to show their best and spend their income on their children or volunteering if the employees are not parent. In other words, they spend their earnings to buy clothes or to provide comfort zone for their children in other to do not watch their children suffering from working in the future, whereas workers who are not parent can do volunteering activities, such as charity, helping people who are with disabilities. Our parents are trying to do everything that they can do, especially dads, for instance, the majority of our fathers are working dusk till dawn in order to provide with good thing
In conclusion, today everybody tries to earn money to enjoy or provide comfort for others.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis statement.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph back to the main point of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, but these do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors, making the writing clear and easy to understand. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structures that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to make the writing more engaging and dynamic.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response to the prompt. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response to the prompt. The position is clear and well-supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis statement. Additionally, the use of more varied and specific examples could help to make the argument more compelling and persuasive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the thesis statement.
- Use more varied and specific examples to support the argument.