The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020
The graph shows the number of occupations in four economic sectors in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Overall, while healthcare and retail sectors experienced growth over the period, with healthcare seeing the most significant rise, manufacturing and agriculture both showed noticeable
Focusing on the increases first, the figure for healthcare began with just 2 million jobs in 1960, after which it rose steadily, reaching 20 million by 2020. Similarly, the retail sector experienced gradual growth, starting at 10 million in 1960 and rising to 15 million in 2000, after which it remained stable. Moreover, while healthcare saw a dramatic increase, retail demonstrated a slower but steady upward trend.
On the other hand, the number of manufacturing jobs started at 13 million in 1960, a figure that then rose to 17 million in 1980, but this was followed by a significant decline to 10 million by 2020. The figure for agriculture started at 15 million in 1960, after which it saw a dramatic fall, reaching about 3 million in 2020. Despite initial figures, both sectors experienced contrasting downward trends over time.
The essay is generally well-organized and coherent. It logically describes the trends in different sectors over time, using appropriate linking words and phrases.
Suggestions
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Use more varied linking phrases to enhance flow.
- Clarify the comparison between sectors.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary accurately, though there is room for more variety.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with few errors.
The essay effectively addresses the task, summarizing key trends and making appropriate comparisons.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed comparisons between sectors.
- Ensure all significant data points are mentioned.