the table shows the production of the workforce who are women and the percentage of managers who are women in five different countries
The table compares five countries in terms of the percentage of women in the workforce and the percentage of female managers.
Overall, Japan has the highest proportion of women in the workforce, while Egypt has the lowest. However, in terms of female managers, the United States and Australia lead, whereas Sri Lanka has the smallest share.
In Japan, 48% of the workforce is made up of women, which is the highest among the countries listed, but only 17% of managers are women. Similarly, the United States has a high proportion of women in the workforce at 46%, with an equal 43% representation of women in managerial roles. Australia has slightly fewer women in its workforce at 42%, but a comparable 43% hold managerial positions.
By contrast, Sri Lanka and Egypt report much lower percentages. In Sri Lanka, women constitute 41% of the workforce, but only 9% of managers. Egypt shows the lowest figures, with just 20% of the workforce and 12% of managers being female.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses cohesive devices effectively, and there is a clear progression throughout the essay.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to show more variety.
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic usage. However, there are a few instances of informal language that could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the table and makes appropriate comparisons where necessary. The writer also includes relevant details to support the main points.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all comparisons are clearly and logically presented. In the revision suggestions, the comparison between countries is made clearer by stating the exact percentages.