Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some of people believe that there is responsible in the goverenment for the increase in obesty in children, during others people think that for this reason, parents are the fault.It can clearly that, parents should care to their children in fat and goverenment is not more responsible.
On the one hand, some of people believe that, parents should worry from children, which children may eat bad food or they might be obesty for not exercise so it include responsible for children as well as an fat relates on children, namely theirselves.A good example of this is that, in india, most of children are obesity and for this reason and theirselves.Moreover, there are a lot of harvesty in the India .After that, parents don’t take care of children.Subsequently, goverenment is not important in the India.In my opinion, children should do more exercise for their health.
On the other hand, most of people strongly that, if parents do not care to their children or goverenment does not avoid they.Next, in the country, illness launches to develope in obesity in children and the number of fats are increase in society, in my view, goverenment must do something for children because, parents try to for children.Besides that, illness is lost and more parents worry for about it.For example, in my country,some of children are fat however not most , in my country , parents say that, you should do more work or you should eat very less food and more study.
In conclusion, some people hope that the goverenment should be responsible for the rise in fat in children,during other beleive that this condition is the fault of the parents.I can beleive that, children should try for healthy and for feature.
Marqayeva Marjona
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are several instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, there are some spelling errors that need to be addressed.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not detract from the overall clarity of the writing. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, and the overall flow of the language is quite good. However, there are several grammatical errors that can hinder the reader’s understanding. These include errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Additionally, there are some punctuation errors that need to be addressed.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the discussion is somewhat unbalanced, with the majority of the essay focused on the parents’ responsibility. Additionally, the examples provided are not very clear or relevant. The conclusion could also be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you provide a balanced discussion of both views and clearly state your opinion in the conclusion.
- Provide specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.