Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while others think that it is a fault of the parents.
Discuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays some people believe the governments should responsible for the rise in obesity in children . the government should not increase the governments are take care of the children , but it is that habits to children , so many parents don’t forbid their children , and then the children do a lot of things in the years . I think that some of parents putted a lot of forbids and laws . For example many people think that have done a lot of intends their children , and they are putting a several laws and rules. For example limited eating fast foods and playing online games and etc.
On the other hand think that it’s the fault of that parents, but it’s nearly true idea because many rich parents don’t see their children . And their children don’t do many works , and as a result their children are obesity and they are not a lot of acts but they are do many acts , and parents control what children eat at home and can instill healthy eating habits from an early one . And after they also have the ability to encourage physical activity by promoting sports or outdoor plays.
In my opinion both the government and parents are sharing responsibility for the rise in children obesity,and at the same time , parents should lead by example,making informed choices about food and promoting an active lifestyle .
In my opinion I think that many parents don’t see their children obesity addressing children obesity requires a combined approach

5.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured to discuss both views on the rise of childhood obesity and to provide the writer’s opinion. However, the organization could be improved for better clarity and impact. Each view is introduced (though somewhat repetitively) and the writer’s opinion is clearly stated. Yet, the discussion tends to be somewhat disjointed, with transitions that could be smoother to better guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive and could be varied to improve the overall cohesion and readability of the essay.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and some flexibility in use of words and phrases. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that could be improved. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of terms related to the topic at hand. However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be refined for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and specific vocabulary related to health, nutrition, and parenting could enhance the discussion.

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and some flexibility in use of sentences. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation that could be improved. The essay shows an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, though there are some grammatical errors that can affect the clarity and readability of the text. Punctuation is also sometimes misused, further impacting the overall quality of the writing. Careful proofreading to correct these errors would improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the discussion could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the responsibility for childhood obesity and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the discussion tends to be somewhat repetitive, with similar points being made multiple times. The essay could benefit from a more focused and concise presentation of ideas. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points discussed and restating the writer’s position more clearly.