Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some individuals seems that, the government is responsible the rising of the obesity in kids, while other feel that it is the mistake of parents
On the one hand, the government is responsible that condition. In that case, nowadays a lot of people are giving their children to the kindergarten and the teachers maybe give a lot of food or other kind of nutrients for children the reason of that they are getting obesity. For example, while standing in their kindergarten they may have a temperature and their nursery nurse give any kind of tablets or other kind of things and everything have two sides good and bad if it reacts bad and they might be have more high.
On the other hand, a lot of people are giving everything to their children’s desires. They may be give street foods or also fast foods and that kind of foods have a lot of uglerods or such kind of bacterias. For instance, the young parents are giving delivery foods looks like pizza, hamburger and potato fries these foods tough isn’t cooked enough and this comes to be fatness.
In my own view, the parents are responsible for their children’s obesity. If they give the natural and fresh products to their children everything is okay. For example, children’s are wants everything the parents must stand on that way
In conclusion, only the parents are responsible for the children’s obesity, if people take care of their children from fatness a lot of problems have solutions
Rajabov Sherzod
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use more complex language. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of synonyms is sometimes repetitive, which can also affect the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions. These errors can sometimes make the writing difficult to understand. Additionally, the essay does not always use capital letters and punctuation marks correctly, which can also affect the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the development of the ideas could be more fully supported with relevant examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the discussion could be more balanced, and the argument could be more fully developed. Additionally, the essay could provide more specific examples to support the arguments made.
Suggestions
- Ensure that both views are equally discussed and the arguments are fully developed.
- Provide specific examples to support the arguments made.