The rise of consumerism has made people more materialistic. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Materialism has become common among populations, which is largely caused by an increase in consumerism. I support this opinion, and freedom of choice and modern trends are the main reasons for it nowadays.
Since the industrial revolution, the number of factories and companies has been evolving, as well ashuman beings. This suggests that the rise in the number of industries brings about a diversity of products that disrupts people from thinking clearly. Having a lot of choices when it comes topurchasing any essential home appliances puts one into a dilemma of which products to buy, thus making us buy more than we actually need. As a result, a person ends up with tons of clutter, and this, ironically, invokes our collecting instincts, passed down from our ancestors, who used this skill to survive, that drives us to buy more. This vicious cycle is called materialism and has been constantly affecting more people ever since.
Another piece of evidence that supports my view is the popularity of owning cars or other products of particular brands. These days we can witness people being obsessed over bags, phones, and anything that is claimed fashionable or is considered as an element of status by the fashion industry. Owning that product leads to you being respected more, and the reverse is true if you do not have it. The most obvious example of it can be the iPhone, which has become more than just a phone for teenagers and determines whether or not you are going to be accepted in a friend group or bullied.
In conclusion, consumerism, indeed, resulted in the increase in the materialistic behavior of people, mainly because of having more choice when shopping and the popularity of some products over others.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly identifiable. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A variety of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions are used appropriately. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be improved.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and provide a clear thesis statement.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to provide a clearer background to the topic and to more effectively introduce the main points that will be discussed in the essay.