Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
In recent years, some people think that they government is responsible for increase in overweight in young adults during other humans says that it is fault of the parents
In my opinion, some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity to tell the truth I think that government is not responsible to obesity their children because of parents are responsible to obesity their children, such as parents give money their children,
For go to school, in the results, children buy all things for instance they hungry after school’s lessons and they buy fast food or carbonated drinks and other things harmful for health. In the results the government is not responsible to these events because the government created laws, some parents don’t do this laws for obesity, some children become sick so the rise in obesity in children many parents work their job every day. In the results children become alone their home. The girls are increasing overweight than boys every year because of many boys workout several types of sports and they don’t have a problem with obesity. Both are government and parents responsible for children’s movement but parents should take more care of children and not leave them alone
In conclusion, parents are guilty than government but both are government and parent responsible for children’s movement
Abdullayev Kamoliddin
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing the information. However, there are some issues with coherence, as the use of cohesive devices is sometimes confusing, leading to a lack of clarity. Additionally, the connection between some ideas is not very clear, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is not only varied but also appropriate.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, which can affect the clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be increased.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. These errors can sometimes impede communication and affect the overall clarity of the writing. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could be increased.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.