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Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is claimed by some that people today are more dependent on one another, while others believe that individuals are increasingly independent from each other. Although the world and its people are extremely connected, I still believe there is more independence and freedom for individuals today than ever before.
As we live in the era of globalization, it seems to some that people are too dependent on each other. More than half of the world’s population lives in cities that are usually densely populated, meaning they consistently communicate with and cooperate with others whenever needed. The economy of many countries also connects different people in one network, where one person’s income could depend on another individual’s interests. For example, English is now the most popular language in the world, and many people work as teachers because of the increasing demand.
Despite the arguments made above, it is also rational to believe that the progress humanity has achieved over the past few centuries has made individuals freer, which, in turn, has made them more independent. I also observe many examples of an individualistic lifestyle on a regular basis, with people leading isolated and, at times, selfish lives. In the past, in a country like my native Uzbekistan, for instance, it would have been impossible to imagine a person dedicating their life solely to their career and not to their family. However, it is now the norm for thousands of people. This is one of many illustrations of decisions that people can make today in favor of an independent life.
In conclusion, the impact of globalization can make it seem that people are more dependent on each other nowadays, but in reality, there is more freedom to make decisions, meaning there is also more independence for those living today.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
  • Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are few grammatical errors, but they do not impede communication.

The essay addresses the task fully and presents a well-developed response. The writer’s position is clear throughout the essay. However, the argument could be further developed in places.

Suggestions
  • Try to develop your arguments more fully. In the example about the individualistic lifestyle, you could discuss the reasons why this trend is emerging and its implications.