The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females ages 18-20 in a city who participated in various activities in one month in 2015.
The bar graph compares the share of men and women in the 18-20 age set participating in different activities in a city in one month in 2015. Overall, while men are more engaged in team sports, women take part in more cycling and swimming. Furthermore, football was the most preferable sport among men.
Focusing on the team sports first, the share of men engaged in basketball was about 34% compared to their female counterparts, with a larger disparity, at well over 10%. Similarly, when it comes to football, about 52% of men preferred football, making it the most popular sport, while among women, it was liked by almost 15%. Lastly, there is a bigger discrepancy; males taking part in hockey was nearly 12%, making it almost twice as preferable as women’s choices, which were about 5%.
A completely different picture can be observed in the cycling and swimming. As for swimming, there is a larger difference, with 20% of men and about 35% of women. However, females more engaged in cycling were 40% opposed to males, who were liked by approximately 37%.
The essay is well-organized with a clear structure, but some transitions could be improved for better flow.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure consistency in comparing data points.
- Avoid abrupt shifts in topics.
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, but some expressions can be refined for precision.
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in tense and agreement.
The essay addresses the task effectively, covering the main trends and comparisons, but some data points are inaccurately reported.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data points are accurately represented.
- Provide a clearer summary of key trends.
- Avoid overgeneralization of data.