It is important to take risks in both professional life and personal life. Do you think that adavantages of taking risks will overweight disadvantages.
There is a notion that taking risks plays crucial role in individuals’ personal lives and career. While risks can impact on people negatively, I personally believe that their positive aspects are more significant.
On the one hand, it’s true that testing the waters can pose some problem in person’s professional and personal life. For one thing, high-adrenaline sports such as skydiving and snow kiting will hinder people to progress both in their job and personal lives. To explain, these types of sport are considered to be highly risky and, in some cases, people who collaborated in these non-traditional activities encountered with severe health problems such amputation or dislocation of body parts. Due to this, some individuals losing their career, particularly if their profession attributed to physical actions, and forcing to leave their family or getting divorced. According to the latest surveys, 20% enthusiasts who engaged in these adventurous actions, encountered with limb removal and affliction, and 10% of them experienced unemployment in the later stages of their lives.
On the other hand, venturing into uncertainties is much more beneficial for everybody. First of all, some of the risky actions such as buying stocks and venture investments positively impact on financial situation of community. For instance, researches of Swiss Bank demonstrated that 40% of individuals who consistently take part in trading are more likely to maintain their budget sustainably and it’s also proved that overall inflation will reduce in a country will reduce by 8%, if half of its population take part in stock trading. Moreover, stepping out of comfort zone can give a lot of opportunities and can improve the life and communication skills. When people take risks in their daily life, they will discover new facilities by various ways and meet other people, building strong relationship with others.
To conclude, I cannot overlook to downsides of undertaking dare activities like possible traumas that will deteriorate the quality of life. However I strongly believe that such actions can be much more advantageous for individuals since they develop society financially and can help individuals to explore world, strengthening their bounds with community.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “testing the waters” could be replaced with a more formal phrase like “taking risks,” and “dare activities” is not a standard expression. Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward sentence construction. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, in the sentence “For instance, researches of Swiss Bank demonstrated that 40% of individuals who consistently take part in trading are more likely to maintain their budget sustainably,” the phrase “researches of Swiss Bank” should be “research by Swiss Bank,” and “affliction” should be “inflation.” Correcting these errors and paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of taking risks in both professional and personal life. The writer presents a clear stance, arguing that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the potential downsides of taking risks, as well as a more thorough examination of the potential benefits. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your position.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.