Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
People have differing opinions on the influence of professional athletes on young people, with some claiming that they can act as a good example. However, others oppose to this viewpoint and state that behavior of athletes both during and after the sport tournaments might have an adverse impact on young people. In my view, personality traits differ from person to person, meaning it is difficult to make general assumptions about sports people.
Professional athletes indeed serve as a source of motivation and encouragement for young individuals. An apt example here would be two famous football players, Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi, who have demonstrated the importance of hard work, determination and discipline to the whole world. In spite of coming from economically deprived backgrounds, these athletes did not fail to achieve fame, success and wealth in their field. Their cases have become a proof that coming from less fortunate families is not an obstacle that hinders personal growth. These football players’ generosity is another reason why they can serve as a good role model to young people. Knowing the difficulty of financial challenges, they both channeled vast amount of their earnings into well-fare of people residing in warzones or financially deprived areas.
However, the reverse is true for some athletes, as some go against the principles of sportsmanship. For instance, there are some sports people who have been proven to have taken illegal substances, like doping, with the intention of winning competitions unfairly, improper behavior which might encourage young individuals to engage in the intake of unlawful substances. In other cases, some athletes show aggressive and violent behavior towards ordinary citizens and, in severe circumstances, become involved in sexual assaults. Mike Tyson, who was infamously accused of engaging in street fights and forcing a woman into sexual intercourse against her will. Therefore, it is safe to assume that not all athletes can set positive examples to youngsters.
To conclude, there are reasons to claim that athletes are good role models, as they show dedication and discipline to be in the position that they are right now. However, we have just as many reasons to be worried about their negative influence on youngsters because of their improper behavior. In my view, though, forming broad conclusions about the huge number of athletes in the world is wrong, since personalities and behaviors change from one person to another.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and the body paragraphs are well-structured. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The essay provides relevant, detailed examples to support the arguments. However, the introduction could be more concise and focused.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to make your position more clear from the outset.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.