Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe thatit actuallyencourages crime
Success is often measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?
Many people think success means having money and expensive things. However, I believe money is not the best way to measure success. In this essay, I will explain my opinion and what I think makes a successful person.
First, money does not always bring happiness. For example, some rich people are unhappy or have bad relationships. Success should also include feeling happy, having good health, and loving your family. A person can be successful even if they do not have a lot of money.
Second, a successful person is someone who works hard and achieves their goals. For instance, a teacher or a doctor can be successful because they help others. Success is not only about money; it is also about making a positive difference in life.
In conclusion, wealth is not the best measure of success. A successful person is someone who is happy, achieves their dreams, and helps others.
Asadbek.R
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the writer’s opinion, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary related to the topic of success. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. For example, the phrase “a person can be successful even if they do not have a lot of money” could be more concisely and accurately expressed as “a person can be successful even if they are not financially wealthy.”
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and awkward constructions that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. For example, the phrase “a teacher or a doctor can be successful because they help others” could be more concisely and accurately expressed as “a teacher or a doctor may be considered successful for their altruistic endeavors.”
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant examples to support the argument. However, the argument could be developed more fully and supported with more specific examples. The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing the definition of success and providing a personal opinion that wealth is not the best measure of success. The writer presents a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion, and the body paragraphs each focus on a different aspect of the topic. However, the argument could be developed more fully, and the examples provided could be more specific and compelling.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your argument.
- Develop your argument more fully in the body paragraphs.