Play after school
People hold differing views on whether children benefit more from participating in organized extracurricular activities or engaging in independent play after school. While unstructured play undoubtedly contributes to autonomy and social interaction, I firmly agree that children gain more valuable lessons through structured after-school activities, as it fosters leadership, teamwork, and critical thinking skills and uplifts self-esteem.
Proponents of playing independently present various compelling reasons to support their stance. Children playing freely after school programs can interact with strange children from different schools and neighborhoods. This interaction allows them to play freely with others, significantly cultivating autonomy at an early age. In an era where children, especially adolescents find it difficult to engage with strangers, playing freely after school can play a pivotal role when it comes to becoming independent and outgoing.
Despite these arguments favoring independent play after school, I contend that attending structured after-school activities benefits children more on a broader scale. Children participating in extracurriculars can engage with many people, be in a group with them, and compete against other groups, enhancing their teamwork ability. This sense of competition also allows them to think critically, significantly honing their problem-solving skills. In a world where children are obsessed with digital devices such as smartphones, computers, and PlayStations, active participation in structured after-school activities plays a crucial role in improving their soft skills.
Additionally, children who partake in activities after school are more likely to have increased levels of self-esteem on a par with their freely playing peers. For example, if they join extracurriculars, they may perform various roles in events on the stage in front of hundreds of viewers. These performances help them overcome a sense of fear, preventing them from feeling introverted and isolated. As a consequence, the likelihood of suffering from mental health diseases such as alienation, anxiety, and depression decreases, keeping them interactive in many facets of life.
In conclusion, although unorganized after-school plays significantly contribute to children’s autonomy, I firmly believe that structured activities benefit them substantially since they cultivate teamwork, improve critical thinking, and strengthen self-confidence. Only by attending extracurriculars can children make the most of their time and become essential figures in society.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
“Children playing freely after school programs can interact with strange children from different schools and neighborhoods.” – The term “strange children” could be replaced with “children from diverse backgrounds” for a more positive connotation.
“In an era where children, especially adolescents find it difficult to engage with strangers,” – The phrase “in an era where children, especially adolescents” is a bit awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your pronouns have clear antecedents to avoid confusion.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A variety of vocabulary is used, including less common and idiomatic expressions. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
“Children playing freely after school programs” – The term “playing freely after school programs” is a bit awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
“In an era where children, especially adolescents find it difficult to engage with strangers,” – The term “engage with strangers” could be replaced with “interact with new peers” for a more positive connotation.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors.
“In an era where children, especially adolescents find it difficult to engage with strangers,” – The verb “find” is missing the auxiliary “do” for proper agreement in this context.
“active participation in structured after-school activities plays a crucial role in improving their soft skills.” – The article “the” is missing before “soft skills” for proper grammar.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced discussion that considers the potential drawbacks of structured after-school activities.
Suggestions
- Consider including a brief discussion of the potential drawbacks of structured after-school activities to provide a more balanced argument.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-developed with supporting details.