Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
There is a opinion that university graduation give more opportunity to be successful, but others believe that this is not necessary nowadays. As I think, university education is important to get a job and be professional in your field, although there are many examples of successful individuals without a bachelor degree.
University is a place where you as a student get a education, but also, degree you get is a verification of your knowledge basis of this field. There are many spheres where the theory is crucial, for example architecture: you need to know physics and geometry to create complex constructions, so you mention every detail to make sure that this building will be sustainable to the coldest winter and boiling summer. In other words, it is vital to be professional in this kind of fields, not to mention science
Moreover, university touches the most vital period of twenties when you receive the first challenges of adult life. Student learn how to do overcome the hard work, earn money and get to know bureaucracy, while having tones of assignments and other types of tasks with deadlines. Professors often give a group activities and projects to improve your social skills and ability to cooperate; it is important factor for most of high-income jobs, where you have to work with a team for filmmaking or game developing company.
However, Bill Gates, the founder Microsoft company and one of the richest person in the word, did not end up a Harvard where he studied. He left the course to develop a little idea into the OS we all know – the Windows OS (one of the greatest and commonly used in computers). Nevertheless, he made a huge work and had a lot of challenges to achieve this, meaning that all you need for your success is a flame, work and a little luck.
To conclude, university not only teaches different skills, but more crutial, gives students a lifelesson, making you an adult. On the other hand, the highest peaks is achievable, even if you do not have a degree.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your examples are relevant and support your arguments well.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “architecture: you need to know physics and geometry” could be rephrased as “In fields such as architecture, knowledge of physics and geometry is crucial.”
Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. For example, “university touches the most vital period of twenties when you receive the first challenges of adult life” could be rephrased as “university occurs during the crucial period of twenties, during which you face your first challenges of adult life.”
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure, but there are some areas for improvement in terms of accuracy and clarity. Paying closer attention to grammatical details, such as subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments. For instance, mentioning specific studies or statistics on the success rates of individuals with and without university degrees could strengthen the argument. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more engaging introduction and a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly restates the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly restates your position.