Skip to main content

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?

Today, in various parts of the world, individualism is being overly emphasized, which is precipitating an increase in the number of people setting their aspirations and aims above others’. While this development brings about self-sufficiency, over-emphasis on individualism cause predicaments connected with social relations and economic conditions, making it mostly unfavourable.
With the advent of invidiualism comes a rise in personal freedom. This is mainly because of living a life devoid of distractions. As self-centered people prioritize personal goals and desires over collective interests, it facilitates them in focusing all their concentration on achieving them, eventually laying foundation for their imminent development, be it in professional area or in personal life.
Despite this, I remain convinced that this development is largely detrimental for several reasons. Weakened community bonds is the major one. People in different corners of the world are in a relentless pursuit of achieving their personal goals to the point that they have no time to meet family and friends, thereby leading to loss of connections among them. This is coupled with the fact that putting personal interests above everyone else’s is usually accepted as a sign of having a narcissistic personality, a trait that puts off others and is not commonly favoured in society. Such turn of events, in turn, lead those with individualistic lifestyles to have a feeling of alienation as a result of receiving no social support, ultimately leaving them vulnerable to emotional distress.
Aside from a lack of communal belonging, economic deprivation is another negative consequence of individualism. Individualistic societies are so hyper-focused on the idea of independence that they require those reaching the age of eighteen to gain financial and personal freedom by leaving home. The problem with this ideology is that it does not take different backgrounds into account. For example, people from wealthy families can afford to seek self-sufficiency on their own, because their higher education is usually funded by parents, meaning the career path is rather clear for them. By contrast, less fortunate individuals who are already struggling to determine what to do in the next stage of their life without financial support from their families now have to cope with other challenges, such as university funding, basic necessities, and shelter, in the process of becoming independent. People who fail to leave home and obtain independence at this very young age are seen as outcasts, which takes a huge toll on their mental health.
To conclude, true, invidiualism offers certain benefits, one of which is a life where people can fully devote themselves to achieving their goals without any distractions, but I still believe that this development has more negative outcomes, such as the loss of connections with the community and financial challenges. Therefore, in my opinion, it is a mostly undesirable change.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A variety of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions are used effectively. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and the writer’s position.

Suggestions
  • Consider revising the introduction to provide a clearer background to the topic and to more effectively introduce your position.