Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after school activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Children is believed to learn more from playing willingly after school than engaging in more structured after school projects . To some extent I agree with this view , but there are other aspects to take into account .
One key reason for prioritizing this idea is that playing freely can help to develop . That is to say , when children explore everything by themselves with great passion they will have firsthand experience being independent . For example ,my uncle used to “operete” frogs in his childhood with huge interest through that actions he laid foundation his future career . In addition , playing freely serve as a tool to form recreational activities. Given that , children need play after school to discover news including themselves .
Another idea against this is that , organized plans can cause spend time productively . In other words, as children are engaged in beneficial plays like puzzles or chess and other activities which can be found practical by professionals ,they are more likely develop successfully. Furthermore , there are more distractions for them in today’s modern age like you tube , Instagram , Twitter and other means of social media forms. All of them result in being highly addicted making children slave of technology . To prevent them , well-organized systems need for children after school lessons. Therefore , children shouldn’t leave freedom .
In conclusion , while children learn more by playing readily , they need structured school activities .
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, but they do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows an understanding of complex grammar. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear position, but the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat unclear and could be more effective in setting up and summarizing the main points. Additionally, the body paragraphs could be more focused and organized to effectively support the main argument.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-supported with specific examples.
- Consider revising the introduction and conclusion to more effectively set up and summarize the main points.