Sevich
The pie chart gives data on the size of classes in elementary schools of Australia in four regions in the year 2010.Overall, in New South Wales, Western and Capital Territory of Australia had the highest proportion of classes, which included 21 to 25 students. However, classes constituted more than 30 students were by far the least common in all states of Australia.
Delving into the details, in the Capital Territory of Australia had the highest percentage of classes which encompassed between 21 and 27 students, accounting for more than half of the proportion in total. Following some way behind, Western Australia, New South Wales and South Australia recorded 47%, 37% and 33% respectively in this category. As for classes with under 20 school pupils, figures for South Australia made up 36%, making it 2% fewer than that of it’s Capital Territory, while two remaining others showed identical trends.
According to relatively small shares, nearly all states had a third of classes filled with 26-39 primary school students, with the exception of Capital Territory of Australia, at 10%. Finally, all regions represented significantly minor patterns of classes with 30 or more pupils, in the range of 1-5%.
The essay is generally well-organized but lacks clear transitions between some ideas.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
- Clarify comparisons between regions.
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, though some inaccuracies are present.
Grammar is mostly accurate, but there are some errors in sentence structure.
The essay addresses the task but contains inaccuracies in data representation and some unclear points.
Suggestions
- Ensure data matches the chart accurately.
- Clarify comparisons and categories.