Choriyeva Diyora
It is argued that money is more essential than satisfaction at work . However , I believe that job satisfaction is for more important than earning a lot of money for the following reasons. In this essay I will try to discuss both positive and negative sides of this and draw a conclusion .
Job satisfaction , in my opinion, is a major part of any profession and it is better than just earning a huge salary at work .Firstly , if a person prioritizes a sens of fultilment over many in his job, he can surely be immersed in what he or she does . In this way, employers can work in good mood all day long with a great deal of motivation even if they ful tired at the end of the working hours . To take teachers as an example , they spend most of their time with children and teach them different themes in interactive ways and it is hard to imagine whether teachers ever prefer money ove joy in their jobs.
Another main reason why I opine that career satisfaction plays more important role than making more money is that workers prefering satisfaction can go an extra mile than other colleagues who put money first. As employees work with passion , they will not be worried about working for long hours and doing the tasks which are out of their responsibility. As a result , they will be recognized by the authority easily and can get promotion to leading positions shortly. This derictly proves the fact that money will accompany dedication and passion to words job.
In conclusion, while some people think money is important than job satisfaction , I personally disagree with this view and believe job satisfaction should be given more importance.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling that can sometimes impede communication and may need to be revised for clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, and the body paragraphs are well-organized and focused. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples to strengthen the overall position.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea or argument.