Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after school activities.
Many people think that children have a tendency to learn more from playing without pressure than doing more systemazed after school activities. I do not agree with this statement. This is because children may not feel responsbility to do homework or tasks from playing freely after school.
On the one hand, it is clear that many proponents of the latter opinion believe that doing effortlessly some tasks plays a vital role in children’s development. Firstly, they can learn necessary education through openly activities to enhance their knowledge. Secondly, they may not feel anxious to make a mistake. As a result, they can gain useful knowledge to improve learning skills. For example, we can show the schools,which their pupils more freely play games to get education after school at a school house, such as playing football how to catch a ball or running for 100 metres to win at competetion. These tasks help children to strength a physical fitness.
On the other hand,although having more benefits of freely activities, I think it is the most benefical for children to learn something in a controlled area. Initially, they are under the control of teachers in order to feel responsibility to complete tasks, Secondly, it is very convenient for some parents,who work during the day. They may not have enough time to make children’s homework done. Organized after school actions give a hand to boost pupils’ self-expression. As a consequense, they can learn more things with the help of teachers. For example, there is one particular school, which uses this method to improve acquisition degree of pupils. They do not let pupils go home after school, and they are used to doing extra activities together in a school. This school wins the lots of competetions in every year.
In conclusion, despite of the fact that it is useful for children to play freely, the merits of learning skills in a monitored area are enough to say more. These kinds of movements help children to be in charge of doing something better.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance taken in the introduction.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph and connect them back to the main argument.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some issues with word form and spelling that could be addressed. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, there are some issues with word form and spelling that could be addressed to improve overall clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that structured learning activities are more beneficial for children than free play. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support its points. Additionally, the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points and reiterate the stance taken in the introduction.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument.
- Provide more specific examples to support your points.