It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, more and more opinions have said we should take more risks in our lives, leading people to do some actions that lead them to danger, especially teenagers. However, although taking risks might lead to danger, we should look forward to the advantages it brings. If we need to decide whether advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages, we should definitely look what is the pros and cons. After my consideration, the key benefit is helping to explore, and the main issue is letting you in danger.
To begin with, taking risks can encourage people to find and explore something to inventions, which beneficial society. There are many innovations were very dangerous when they are invented, such as nuclear energy. Nuclear energy is generated from the energy released from nuclear reactions, but nuclear reactions was used as a weapon at initial at World War 2. Peoples seems nuclear reactions as destroy everything at that moment, no bodies think it could help people. Moreover, some scientists find the potential use of nuclear reactions, they started to do experiments in order to control nuclear reactions even they know it will explore if they cannot handle it. Therefore, this is how the action of taking risks affect the society and brought benefit.
Focusing on the main advantage of taking risks, it might lead you to a dangerous situation. Risks involve everywhere, especially in your personal lives. There is no doubt that taking risks help you get more things you need, but it also let you to dangerous moments. For example, if you jump to the waterfalls, you might obtain happiness when you jump but you could die because you do not know how long of the water height in the bottom, it might very short that lets you die. Thus, this is one example how taking risks lead you to danger.
In my opinion, the advantage of taking risks is outweigh the disadvantages because it brings you a courage to explore yourself and achieve something. Taking risks do not mean you will make you in danger every time, you could control the situation first to reduce the punishment of taking risks. Take jump to the waterfall bottom as example, you can check the height of water before you jump, that’s make you to avoid dangerous but make you happiness.

5.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing the information. However, there are some issues with coherence, as the ideas are not always clearly connected. For example, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks is not smooth, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, which can also affect the overall coherence. More effective use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, could help improve the overall cohesion and coherence of the essay.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph are closely related to the main idea.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that affect the overall clarity. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that can affect the clarity of the writing. For example, the phrase “it might very short that lets you die” is awkward and unclear. More precise and appropriate word choices could help improve the overall lexical resource. Additionally, the use of a wider variety of vocabulary, such as synonyms and idiomatic expressions, could help demonstrate a stronger command of language.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to demonstrate a good command of grammar. However, there are some errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and preposition use that can affect the overall clarity. For example, the phrase “nuclear reactions was used as a weapon at initial at World War 2” contains grammatical errors. More accurate grammatical constructions could help improve the overall grammatical range and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as relative clauses, could help demonstrate a stronger command of language.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in both professional and personal lives. The writer presents a clear position that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages. However, the argument could be more fully developed with more specific examples and a clearer structure in the body paragraphs. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.