The chart below gives information about European people of different age groups who wnet to gyms once a month or more between 1990 and 2010.
The line graph illustrates gives data about European population of different age groups who went to gyms once a monthe or more from 1990 to 2010.
It is clear that indecations of all four different age groups experienced visibel growth throughout the period.
Looking at the details, in the beginning of the period, 25-34 age groups who went to gyms was the highest at around 10% and then it started a gradual increase from 10% to 50% between 1900 and 2010. Meanwhile, the proportion of people who went to gyms in 18-24 age group was in the midle percent in 1990 at about 8%, however, it began to increase to reach a peak at almost 60% in 2006. There was a mild fluctuation in European people who participated to gyms in 18-24 age group, ranging between about 59% and 50% from 2006 to 2010.
If we look at the percentage of European population who attended to gyms in 35-44 age group increased gradually from approximatelly 5% to 40% during the 20-year (1990-2010). Additionally, the proportion of European people who went to gyms in 45 and over age group rose slightly from around 4% to just over 20% between 1990 and 2010.
The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear linking words and cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use more cohesive devices to connect ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Improve transitions between sentences.
The essay uses a basic range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice.
The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks complex sentence structures.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and some inaccuracies are present.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed comparisons between age groups.
- Ensure accuracy in reporting data.
- Include a clear overview statement.