In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is uploaded the internet. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?
Recently, the source of information people can gain shifted to be uploaded to the internet from written forms, like books. Even though this transformation holds disadvantages such as negative impact on people’s health and bad quality control, I believe that it offers more advantages with its accessibility and interactivity.
On the one hand, using only internet as a source of information and knowledge, people can harm their health such as their vision and mindset. Firstly, blue lights coming from devices such as telephones and computers have bad impact on the vision of people, lowering their eyesight in the long run to the varying degrees. In addition, vast amount of information posted every second causes confusion and overwhelming state of mind. As a result, people wastes their times with finding accurate information to rely on, plummeting their productivity levels consequently and delaying what they are supposed to do instead or surfing in the internet. Secondly, uploading information in the internet might be risky for readers since they do not undergo strict control whether the information is reliable or not. In turn, checking reliability of every information uploaded is physically impossible for browsers and websites. Thus, they let unfiltered data go through, leading to mistrust towards companies. Take, for example, students who relies on internet to complete their assignments. Because of the misuse or fake data represented on their assignments, they may get bad results at the end.
However, there are plentiful websites that deliver only accurate information to the audience, such as BBC news or WikiPedia. These websites check every detail about information before posting them on the internet to not to spread misunderstanding and rumors, staggering inaccuracy within data uploading to the internet. In cases when they include some misinformation in the posts, those websites can edit them easily writhing short time span compared to that of newspaper and books, costing more for authors and companies responsible for to rewrite new edition. In addition browsers, like Google, pins such websites rather than unreliable ones, preventing people from going other websites and being victims of fake information.
Another argument for advantages of uploading knowledge to internet instead of writing books is accessibility. Some students who are eager to learn more may be challenged by lack of books available in their hometown or country as whole. Not every book that can be found online may not be in local libraries or bookstores, restricting students with enthusiasm to learn more or costing money to order them online. Even if they can find the book they are searching for in city center, they have to spend extra money on commuting there in a bid to buy books. In the worst case scenarios, such as being unable to find books across the country, the only chance left is ordering them online from sites like Amazon or eBay. But because they are based on foreign countries, the price may be high due to fluctuation in currency rate, costing far more money than that of purchasing them from native countries. Prices may go up further with some extra costs that are might be applied at the checkout such as taxes and cargo fees. This trend may result in loss of motivation to seek for more knowledge in students from disadvantaged background, enabling only privileged students to get full education. However, internet equates opportunities for everyone, neglecting socioeconomic status of people. Just one search is enough to get the full information in the internet, from finding courseworks or textbooks to extra lessons to take up.
In conclusion, even though, internet may include misinformation and affect people’s health negatively, its accessibility is outweighed, creating equal opportunities for everyone to learn more.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is generally well-written. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity. For example, in the sentence “$Recently, the source of information people can gain shifted to be uploaded to the internet from written forms, like books,” the verb “shifted” should be “shifted to.” Paying closer attention to such errors could improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the shift from traditional sources of information to digital sources. The writer takes a clear position that the advantages of this shift outweigh the disadvantages and provides a well-developed argument to support this position. However, the essay could benefit from a more concise and focused thesis statement to guide the reader.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with relevant examples.