Some people think that technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is a commonly held belief that technological advancements help decrease crime. However, some people oppose this point of view, stating that they encourage offences even more. While technologies have introduced the world to the new side of crime, I believe that their benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand, as the technology field progresses, the chance of new types of crimes appearing grows significantly. To be more specific, although XXI century introduced us to the next stage of scientific development, it also has brought the spread of cybercrime, meaning a crime related to digital devices, such as computers, laptops, phones, etc. Scammers, better known as ‘hackers’, try to steal important data, which can be an infringement on people’s privacy. Moreover, there have been cases where hackers were able to detect information of bank accounts, and steal a great amount of money.
On the other hand, progress in technonogy has created new ways of controlling crime rates, by implementing surveivallence face recognition systems. With the help of these tools, the world has been able to considerably decrease the number of offences over the last 50 years. In other words, offenders avoid making new crimes because of the fear of getting caught. For example, in highly-developed countries, such as Norway, Sweden, and Finland, crime rates are much lower than in developing countries beacause of discrepancies intechnological advancements.
In conclusion, although modern technologies has led to some issues, overall, I believe that it has a positive impact on reducing crime rates, by biometric and surveillance systems.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “surveivallence face recognition systems” should be “surveillance and face recognition systems,” and “beacause” should be “because.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. For example, “On the one hand, as the technology field progresses, the chance of new types of crimes appearing grows significantly” could be rephrased for clarity. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the discussion could be more balanced, with each view given equal weight. The essay also provides specific examples to support the arguments, which is a strength. However, the examples could be more varied and detailed to enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.