The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart gives information about percentage of people who are Australian, migrants from English-speaking countries and from other countries visiting places, such as zoo, library, theatre and cinema, who are living in Australia.
Overall, most of people chosen to visit cinema and minority of them visited theatre. People from other nationalities except the English-speaking nationalities visited library.
Approximately 42% of Australians visited zoo, over 35% chosen library. The minor figures was in theatre with 20%, while 70% of Australians chosen to visit cinema.
50% of migrants from people who was born in countries that English-speaking and 40% of the people visited library. The lowest figures were in theatre with 25%, while the highest one was in cinema with 65%.
The people who are from other countries visited zoo with 35% in addition cinema with 50%. The largest numbers were in library with 55%, while the lowest one, which is theatre, was with 10%.
The essay is logically organized and the information flows in a coherent manner. However, there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to further improve the cohesion and coherence of your writing.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples.
Suggestions
- Include specific data and examples to support your main points.
- Consider comparing and contrasting the data in more detail.