The chart below shows the places visited by different people of living in Australia.
The bar charts illustrate the places visited by three distinct groups living in Australia.
Overall, cinema is the most common place among all three categories of people, followed by libraries, and zoos are the second most visited entertainment regions. The theater had only a few visitors.
It is clear that cinema was the most preferred place over other areas, as 70% of the native Australian individuals had spent leisure activities watching movies, and 65% of migrants chose films. The new migrants whose second language was English were only half of the chart; with that 5% more individuals chose to visit libraries rather than cinemas. Roughly, a total of 40% English-speaking non-migrants and migrants were going to the library.
As for the other entertainment areas, half of people from other English countries surprisingly spent leisure activities in zoos compared to 40% of the natives. Approximately 35% were from non-English countries. Theatres were the least popular among all the people—only 10% from non-English-speaking migrants, double the number of native Australians attending plays, and quarter of them from other types of English-speaking country migrants.
The essay generally follows a logical structure, but some comparisons are unclear.
Suggestions
- Clarify comparisons between groups.
- Use linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, though some phrasing could be more precise.
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex structures, but contains some grammatical errors.
The essay addresses the task, though some comparisons and data interpretations could be clearer.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data from the chart is accurately interpreted.
- Clarify comparisons between different groups.