Some people think material wealth leads to happiness, while others argue that emotional and social well-being is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People tend to have different interpretations of happiness. For some, it is the material wealth that makes them happier, whereas others value emotional and social well-being more. While I do recognize that happiness is a complex issue that requires emotional stability and social welfare, material wealth may be slightly more essential in our highly capitalist world of the 21st century.
Many people see their mental health and social well-being as the key to happiness. Being emotionally fit and being surrounded by family and friends can help individuals live a fulfilling life. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs perfectly explains that people are dependent on love and a sense of belonging, meaning it is difficult for a human to stay happy without the contribution of others. Thus, emotional support, being a part of society and having great mental health may be considered by some people as the most important aspect of happiness.
Nevertheless, many others see wealth as a more fundamental aspect of human happiness. I share the same view, too. The current world is too dependent on one’s financial independence. As we try to guarantee a comfortable lifestyle, the need to earn more money becomes evident. With rising inflation and growing influence of capitalism, people’s appreciation of material wealth becomes strongly linked to the actual happiness. For example, having access to the best hospitals and schools can cost more than going for public facilities. Even ensuring safety can be an expensive choice as the rich usually live in gated communities that are located far from the areas full of criminal activity.
In conclusion, emotional and social components are vital for one’s happiness, but they cannot compare to the financial factors in the current economy.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Make sure that your examples are fully developed and clearly support your argument.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication.
The essay addresses the task fully and presents a clear position throughout the response. Both sides of the argument are discussed, and the writer’s opinion is clearly stated. However, the conclusion could be more fully developed.
Suggestions
- Try to provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly restates your position.