Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There have been ongoing debates about whether advencement in technology discourage crime rate or provide criminals with more opportunities.
Primary reason for why technological developments encourage crime is dark web where numerous illegal activities like drug trafficking, human trafficking and weapons sales can take place more covertly. Secondly, cybercrimes such as hacking, identity theft, phishing and online fraud will be increasing significantly because more devices mean more opportunities for exploitation.
On the other hand, developed technologies like security cameras and superficial face recognition softwares help government to apprehend criminals. Additionally, as cybercrime growth advanced cybersecurity can measure protect sensitive data and financial transactions, reducing the incidence of online fraud and hacking.
In my opinion technological advancement can bring many pros and cons on criminal activities. Athough they have some drawbacks their benefits oughtweight them so governments should work hard on advanced technologies due to reducing lawbreaking actions.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these do not detract from the overall clarity of the message. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. However, there are a few errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and preposition use that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of each view and a more explicit statement of the writer’s position. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point and is well supported with specific examples.