There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are numerous factors that motivate individuals to stay in the workforce, and a prominent reason is money. I wholeheartedly support this view because of living in a comfortable life, and there cannot be plies in the family.
To begin with, there are some people who believe that money is not in the first place to motivate them. To be more specific, their parents are the main source of their motivation. Providing them with good care and facilities is the source of motivation. Additionally, there are some people who suffer from chronic diseases like cancer and tuberculosis. In simpler terms, they are very happy by virtue of not succumbing to such illnesses.
Nevertheless, the most important factor to be motivated may be money. The prime reason is that they can inhabit a comfortable life. In other words, in the contemporary era, money is a very essential thing. Educating their children, providing for their families, and other essential needs require money. By providing their offspring with good education, they can achieve good results like entering top universities and being a well-rounded person. That said, nowadays so many people are getting motivation from how much they earn.
Another reason is that there are not many problems in their family because of money. The main reason is that there are families that are struggling with essential needs. In other words, due to this situation, there will be divorcing between families. For example, this can affect their children. Namely, they may grow up with stress and depression. Consequently, they can be unsuccessful in the long run.
In conclusion, there are some factors that can keep motivated including their parents and overall health condition. However, I support money can give more motivation in their workplace with certain factors.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of synonyms could be increased to avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures, but there are some errors and awkward sentences. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a fair degree of accuracy. However, there are some errors in sentence structure and tense consistency that could be addressed. Additionally, the use of passive voice is sometimes unnecessary and could be replaced with the active voice for clarity and directness.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay could also benefit from a more engaging introduction and a stronger conclusion that reinforces the main points.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.