Nurmuhammad sight 1 and 2
The illustration represents two possible sites for the future shopping mall which, will be constructed in a city called MyStepland. We can see that the two sites under review are in the south-east and the north of the town.
Overall, the map provides a possible site for the shopping mall, S1, is in the north of the city centre, above the railway line, which goes through the south-east of the city to the north west and it is river, which runs from the south-west. If it is built here it will be near to a housing estate and it would be easy to access for those people who is living on the estate and in the city centre.
The second possible site is S2, which is in the south-east, located fairly close to the downtown and enclosed with rail and road line which creates an environment for people, but it is near to an industrial estate rather than housing.
There is a main road through town that wuns near both sites, providing good accessibility to any of them. A large golf cource and par to the west of the town keeps this area from being used as a basement.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear central topic in each paragraph. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and/or more complex vocabulary. However, there are some inaccuracies and some of the vocabulary is used inappropriately.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some attempt to use a range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and some of the sentences are not entirely clear.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information provided. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making some of the descriptions more precise.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific details and make your descriptions more precise.
- Consider the implications of the information provided. How might the location of the shopping mall impact the city?
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.