the graph below shows the percentage of households in one country that had various goods between 2001 and 2008
The bar chart shows the percentage of households in a country that owned different items in 2001 and 2008. The items include telephone, microwave, CD player, mobile phone, home computer, clothes dryer, internet, and dishwasher.
Overall, most of items became more popular in 2008 compared to 2001. Telephone and microwave already very common in 2001 while items like internet and dishwasher were less popular but increased over time.
In 2001, telephone and microwave had the highest percentage, with both being above 90%. CD player was also popular, with around 80%. However, mobile phone and home computer less than 50%. Clothes dryer, internet, and dishwasher were the least common items, with less than 30%.
By 2008, telephone and microwave stayed almost the same. CD player also did not change much. But mobile phones and home computers increased a lot to above 70%. Internet and dishwasher also had a big increase, while clothes dryer rose slightly.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of collocation. However, there are a few informal or vague expressions that could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some use of passive voice, which is appropriate for the task. However, there are a few grammatical errors and some sentences are a bit awkward.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information and makes appropriate comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific data and by including a more detailed analysis of the trends.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific data and statistics to support your analysis.
- Include a more detailed analysis of the trends and patterns in the data.