The graph shows the percentage of households in one country that had various goods between 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart illustrates changes in the proportion of houses with the existence of several gadgets in one country, in two years, 2001 and 2008.
Overall, all electronics became more common by the end of the period, the reverse was true for the telephone. Although the figure for telephone was still at the first stage in 2008 (in the same line with microwave and CD player), it clearly dominated in 2001.
Focusing on the first three bars, after having experienced changes, all three figures stood at the same stage at 90 percent in the year of 2001, despite, there were noticeable gap. The proportion of households that had telephone was at 95%, and that was higher than microwave and CD player, by 15 and 25 percent, respectively.
As for the remaining goods, in 2001, every 6 out of 10 households had dryer for clothes and after 7 years, the proportion increased up to 70%. While, internet (10%) and mobile phones (25%) were less common at the first year, but the percentage of existence rate of phones in houses tripled, the proportion of internet increased by 6 times, by 2008. And also, the figures for PC and dishwasher rose as fast as double in 7 years, and peaked at 65 and 40 percent, in 2008.
The essay generally follows a logical structure, but some transitions and sentence connections could be improved for better flow.
Suggestions
- Use clear transitions between ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Avoid abrupt shifts in topics.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, though some word choices could be more precise.
The essay demonstrates a mix of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
The essay addresses the task, providing an overview and specific details, but some inaccuracies in data interpretation are present.
Suggestions
- Ensure accuracy in data representation.
- Highlight key trends and comparisons clearly.