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Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed,while other believe that they are important for the conservation and education of animals.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Zoos have long been a controversial subject,sparking worlwide debates about their role in society.While some argue that zoos are enethical and should be abolished,others truly believe that they serve as a perfect tool for educating the public and for protecting the endangered speciecs,being curial to maintain healthy habitat.From my perspective,the assistance of zoos is tremendous due to its comprehensive benefits,ranging from giving visual chance for students to grasp information about various types of animals to as a source of defence for animals extinction.
On the one hand,critics of zoos highlight its extensive negative impacts they have on animals.Many believe that keeping animals in captivity,often in enclosures far smaller than their natural habitats,is inherently cruel due to its terrible effects on animals’ behaviour and mental health.Animals may suffer from legion of mental health issues,being depression,anxiety and depression owing to lack of space and freedom,resulting in developed unnatural behaviours.Another worth mentioning point is that the impact zoos contribute to loss of wind animals’ hunting skills is massive as wild animals such as lion,wolf,fox and so on may lose their abilities to feed themselves by hunting.It largely maylead to severe weaknesses on the grounds that they may never experience hunting in an open space in wildlife as they are kept in captivity.
On the other hand,proponents argue that zoos play a pivotal role in convervation and education,being the primary funtions.Modern zoos often participate in breeding activities to protect endangered species from extinction.Giant panda and Arabian oryx,for example,are the animals which had been reintroduced into wildlife successfully,adding value to conversation side of innovative zoos.Another significant funtion of zoo is that its assistance in providing students,and for those who are generally interested in animals with real species is tremendous which makes it more fastinating to experience in real life instead of seeing them in pictures,helping to deepen the understanding of the context.In other words,watching animals in zoos is more accessible and safe in danger-free environment,assisting individuals to delve into animals behavious such as their reactions and body movements.
In my opinion,zoos offered varying opportunities that cannot be neglected.The main reason of the outbreak of zoos is owing to its role in saving rare animals from extinction.Endangered animals are mostly kept in captivity,to be specific,in zoos,providing with adequate conditions to keep them alive.The second reason why zoos should be proliferated is because of its educational learning chances which people can learn wide range of animals more deeply without possible danger which is not normally possible in wildlife.
In conclusion,although zoos has impacted negatively on animals mantal health complications such as depression,stress,lack of freedom and loss of hunting capabilities,but zoos has been an integral part of consevation processess,allowing rare species to increase their population and zoos are indispensable in education sector due to its accessiblity and exclusivity that may ease to see domestic animals.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is well-structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion that restates your opinion. You use a range of cohesive devices effectively (“On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” “In my opinion”), which helps to guide the reader through your argument. However, the connection between some ideas within paragraphs could be smoother, and the overall cohesion of the essay could be enhanced by more explicitly linking back to the prompt in each paragraph.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing.
  • Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “ethical,” “endangered species,” “conservation,” and “educational learning chances.” Your use of terminology is generally appropriate and contributes to a clear and formal style. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay showcases a variety of grammatical structures with a high level of accuracy. You use a range of sentence types effectively, from simple to complex, which helps to convey your ideas clearly and effectively. However, there are a few minor errors in verb tense and subject-verb agreement that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. You have addressed the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your opinion. You clearly introduce your position in the introduction and conclude by restating your opinion. Your discussion is well-balanced, providing equal attention to both sides of the argument. You support your ideas with relevant examples and explanations, which helps to engage the reader and demonstrate your point of view effectively. However, the essay could be further improved by providing more specific examples to support your arguments.

Suggestions
  • Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide specific examples to support your points.