The graph shows the percentage of households in one country that had various goods between 2001 and 2008

The line graph illustrates the number of shops that opened and closed in a single country from 2011 to 2018. Overall, both shop openings and closures declined by 2018. The number of shop openings in 2011 was significantly higher, while 2015 witnessed a drastic decline in the number of closed stores.
In 2011, the number of shops that opened was 8,500. However, this figure dropped sharply to 4,000 by 2012. Between 2012 and 2014, the number of openings increased to approximately 6,000 before falling back to 4,000 by the end of 2014. From 2015 to 2017, the number of openings temporarily leveled out, but in the final year, it dropped again to 3,000.
In contrast, the number of closed shops in 2011 was 6,300. By 2012, this figure had decreased slightly to 6,000. In 2013, the number of closures rose again to about 7,100, followed by a decline to approximately 6,600 in 2014. In 2015, the sharpest drop occurred, with closures plummeting to just 300. However, by 2016, the number of closed shops rebounded sharply to 5,100 and remained unchanged for the next two years.

7.5

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, and paragraphs are well-structured.

Suggestions

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. The writer uses vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as ‘shop openings’ and ‘closures’, appropriately.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. The use of grammar and punctuation is accurate and appropriate for an academic essay. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected.

The essay provides a clear overview of the information and presents a logical and coherent argument. The writer makes appropriate use of data to support the points made. However, the task requires an analysis of the percentage of households, not shops, in one country, which the essay misinterprets the task.