the plans show the ground floor of the library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009
The two pictures display the layout of the library’s ground floor in 2001 and reformed ones in 200 9. Overall, what can be seen from the map is that the entrance side of the library remained unchanged whereas, self help and history sections were divided into many facilities. In 2001, in the center of the library, there were lots of tables just adjacent to the news paper and periodicals. On top of that facility, the fiction was established. On the left, 2 larger rooms were located which are self help and History.
In 2009, Entrance, Librarians desk and stairs were remained in the same position. Instead of Newspapers and periodicals, Films and DVDS wer added also, the Fiction was converted into the children’s book. As a new facility, computers were introduced opposite to the stairs. Noticeable changes were reflected on the left side, including kitchen economics, low, and Fiction was replaced to this side. Finally the shape of tables were exchanged into larger ones, but the location still the same.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there is room for improvement in terms of grammatical accuracy.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information provided. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed explanations and by avoiding some of the vague language.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed explanations of the changes that have taken place.
- Avoid using vague language such as ‘lots’ and ‘many.’ Instead, use specific numbers or descriptions.