The graph shows the average Japanese month salary(Yen) from 1970 to 2000,and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period.
The line graph illustrates the minimum Japanese month salary between 1970 and 2000,and the costs of three various televisions during the same years.Overall,the price of color TV and price of black and white TV experienced a decline in their figures albeit to varying degrees.While the annual salary of the Japanese increased with the rate especially being more pronounced after the 1990s
Focusing on the decreases first,in the 1970 the amounts of color TV and black and white TV accounted 110 and 100 Yen respectively and this was followed by a noticeable decrease to 40 and 68 Yen in 1980.After this ,the figures fell further in 1990, took up 28.In the final year the cost reached to 20 Yen.The price of color TV saw a gradual decline untill the end of the period with 48 Yen.
When it comes to increases, the japanese started its month income at a mere 19 Yen,a figure that then rose minimally to 24 aproximately in 1987.After this,however,it improved to around 32 in 1998.The average Japanese month salary reached to just about 68 in the final year.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and there is a good balance between the description of the salary and the price of televisions. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of punctuation.
Suggestions
- Try to vary your linking words to create a smoother flow of information. Use a wider range of punctuation to help clarify the relationships between different pieces of information.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some use of passive and active voice. However, there are a few grammatical errors and some sentences are unclear.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. The essay also makes some comparisons where relevant. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by ensuring that all information is accurately represented.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific details and data to support your statements. Make sure that all information is accurately represented and that your overall trends are clearly supported by the data.